Awareness and Joong-Gun

I was going to start by saying that awareness is THE path to healing, but who am I to say I know the secret to healing in this life of ours............so I am going to say, awareness is a (really excellent) path to healing.  John F. Barnes, the teacher of myofascial release (pronounced myo fashal)  says "without awareness there is no choice".

Jonathan and I have been working on a process of getting our forms checked off as part of the requirements for our upcoming black belt examination.  There are nine forms that we have to get checked off by our instructor.  For each one we have to perform it in front of him and then he will either give us feedback on how to perfect it for the next try, or he will say "okay" and check it off the list.  Each form has a series of movements that have to be memorized down to the finger and foot position.  Chung-ji, the first form, has 19 moves.  Chung-Moo, the ninth form, has 30.  Each form has a different amount of moves and a different meaning, as well as a different sequence and pattern.  Getting each of the forms right takes practice and a lot of mind-body awareness.  The actual practice of going through the motions in your body gives you the body memory portion of it.  And this is in combination of being mentally (I am going to suggest that "mentally" isn't just thinking) aware of each move, the sequence of them, and the bigger picture of how the whole form comes together in a flow with power and rhythm.  Not to mention that your feet better end up exactly on the spot that you started.

Jonathan and I waiting to compete at a tournament

So I am stuck on Joong-Gun, the sixth form and the recent feedback got me thinking about awareness.  When someone makes you aware of something that you are doing with your body that you were not aware of before, and you really get it, then you have a choice to correct it the next time, or at least practice differently.  In the moment that you get it, the little light bulb goes off at the same time you are saying, "ooohhhh, that is what I am doing?" to yourself.  You may have received that same feedback several times before but it just didn't click.  The click is awareness.  It comes and you feel something different and the whole situation changes at that point to one of choice.  No awareness (checked out mentally and physically) equals no choice.   Awareness (you are present in your body and mind with a calm focus) equals the choice to respond differently.

Master Holloway told me the last two tries of Joong-Gun that I was making a bunch of extra movements with my arms during a particular move of the form.  I was not aware of it and it didn't click.  Yesterday it clicked, and I performed the move nicely.  He said "that's it" which gave me the second level of the click.  What I felt in the movement in my body was what he was looking for, and now with awareness I can practice that move differently, by feel, not just thinking.

I spend a lot of time in my physical therapy practice helping people with the same sort of thing.  We practice gaining a better awareness of the body especially the chronic level of muscle contraction or tightness that begins to cause pain if left unattended.  We practice and practice how to feel this contraction so that we can start to let it go.  What seems so unconscious and habitual at first becomes conscious and changeable with awareness.  Patterns of chronic muscle contraction that are now changeable, give us hope, the ability to feel differently, and ultimately the realization that we can heal.

With awareness we can now choose healing.  Or get our next form checked off.

TGIF and Blocking Punches

It has been a long week.  Life is taking punches at some of the people I love the most.  I am trying to be a good friend.  I can't block the punches for them, but through learning how to block my own, I can be there for them as they learn and get stronger.  Problems, even the big ones, have a way of giving us gifts and opportunities.  We learn, become stronger, better people if we can be open to what the gift is.  It will seem like a whole lot of pain and suffering if we don't.  Even the worst possible moments when looked upon in retrospect can be realized as gifts.  So in our moments of suffering it might serve us to not judge or be attached to how it seems right then.  We can't see the big picture.

A few jobs ago I was managing an outpatient physical therapy clinic for a large corporate chain.  When I came back from maternity leave there was an incident with an employee who I stuck up for.  The consequence for me was a demotion, as well as transferring me to two separate locations that were further away from my house.  I was then supervised by a manager that thought it was okay to use the "F" word when he was angry.  I was miserable, devastated, and a brand new mother.  It was beyond post-par tum depression.  I couldn't understand the actions of the corporate people above me, life was unfair, my self esteem plummeted.  And then I got a post card in the mail for a company who was looking for physical therapist partners.  My husband suggested I give them a call, what could it hurt.  I ended up partnering with that company and opening up three physical therapy offices that I co-owned for the next seven years.  That part of my career was a turning point toward independence, confidence and eventually my own private practice which I have now.

I look back on that part of my life often.  If the events that devastated me back then hadn't occurred I would have tossed that post card in the trash, not even seen it as an opportunity.   I look back on the amount of pain I felt and realize now that I didn't have to feel that way, didn't have to take it so personally, could have just been curious about the "gift", without really knowing what it would be.  I believe in that deeply now, and when I am in the worst moments I wonder to myself what will come.  Instead of blocking those punches I just slide out of the way and watch them go by.  It is easier that way, no impact.

Nice punch!

Wednesday Waiting

On Wednesday sometimes I wait for it to be Thursday.  Thursday is a taekwondo day.

So I am sitting here in between clients today and part of me is waiting for tomorrow.  Not in the moment today.  A little head achy, a little tired from Rocky waking me up at 4:00a.m., then 5:30am. this morning.  I wait for the thing that makes me feel alive.  The thing that makes me feel.

This butterfly bush has been attracting butterflies since all of its purple blossoms came out recently.  I spied it while I was sitting here looking out my window waiting for it to be Thursday.  It caught my attention and pulled me into the now.  I grabbed my phone to take a picture fully expecting it to fly off as soon as I got too close, but this one stayed put.  This made me happy.

I will be happy tomorrow when it is time for class, but better to just be happy now.  Deep breath.  It is such a nice day out.

Life is a Sparring Match

I have had such anxiety about writing stuff on my blog.  I yearn for people to get something out of it, enjoy reading it, like it, and I forgot that really it is about if I like it or not.  The first real audience is me.  Do I like it?  And if I don't, should I write anyway, a rough draft of sorts, just to get into the habit of writing and for practice.  I know some accomplished writers make many drafts of their stuff before anyone else sees it.  Well, enough with the anxiety.  I am going to ride this roller coaster of life with my hands up today...

In taekwondo part of our practice is sparring.  We put on full protective gear, face our opponent, bow, and then the fight is on.  In sparring we are trying to score points by kicking or punching certain scoring areas on our opponents gear.  The chest and the head are the two main scoring areas.  In a competition the person with the most points at the end of the match wins.

So we are both trying to score points (kick or punch) and at the same time we are trying to prevent our opponent from scoring points (blocks).  Sometimes we can also move out of the way fast enough to make our opponent miss (less painful than a block).  And so the game goes...

What we really want to avoid is getting kicked in the head (three points).  To not get kicked in the head you have to practice not getting kicked in the head, which invariably means you will get kicked in the head a few times trying not to get kicked in the head.  And this is all assuming that your opponent is willing to practice kicking to the head which some people out right refuse to do (too dangerous).  So to be good at blocking shots to your head you actually have to have a sparring partner who is willing to practice kicking to your head.  You both have to be willing to take a risk of getting hurt and being the one to inflict the hurt.  Crazy, right?

What if in life we never had someone willing to help us practice like this?  The coach, the sparring partner, the husband or wife, the co-worker or boss, the friend...who would never risk hurting you and so never told you when you could do something better or differently, never gave you feedback on your performance at work, never gave you a more challenging project to do, or "stretched" you in any way, never shared their opinion or risked sharing their experience with you, never threw the hard ball, never let you try to see if you could do it?

We practice the art of taekwondo for fitness, self defense, self confidence, to be better people.  We count on our classmates and teachers to make us try.  If they don't we don't have the opportunity to stretch our limits, see what we can do, or have any opportunity to do things differently.

So why don't we begin to live our lives the same way, helping each other reach a little higher, trusting in our partner's ability, sharing our experiences, teaching what we know, asking new questions, helping each other block a head shot?  The goal is not to hurt your opponent, it is to help them succeed, to do something they never thought they could do, to help them really live in the moment.

Okay, off to work, I feel better now.  And just because I want to get better at blocking head shots (this is to my Thursday night classmates) don't go crazy!

Living, A Martial Art

Since I started my blog last year I have been torn between a "work" blog and a taekwondo blog.  It was like I needed one for work and one for play.  I was always motivated to write about taekwondo, my passion, and always struggling to think up a worthy healing topic for my physical therapy audience.  And then today while driving home from a friend's house my sister and I were talking blogs, and she helped turn on a light bulb for me.  I thought of that line from "Karate Kid" where Jackie Chan says to Jayden Smith, "kung fu is in everything we do".  I need to fuse my worlds together, take the passion I have for taekwondo, the healing journey I have taken in my career, and every moment in between and write.

The creativity I want to foster in my blog is best cultivated by combining work and play, all of life.  Taekwondo is a way of life and I live its tenets in all of my daily moments.  My passion for taekwondo and for writing about it lives in the fact that is is in all places in my life and that it is a way of healing.  (and I chuckle to myself as I rub my nose that got smacked in sparring yesterday).  Yes it is a way of healing.

So today is the birth of my blog, transformed into more of "me" who is a healer, a martial artist, a mom, a writer, a wife, and a horsewoman, among other things.
I hope that you will come into this blog and play a while, share your passions, and make your work your play.

For more awesome thoughts on life and art, please visit www.alissasart.com  and say hi to my sister for me.  I am lucky to have a sister to ponder, celebrate, and live my art with.

This is a cow that stared at me as I drove by today on my way to my friend's farm.  A farm that has been a rich part of my life over the last several months, teaching me about life, death, and love.