Being The Mom

Today I was just the mom.  Instead of suiting up and participating in today's taekwondo tournament I attended just to be there for my son Jonathan.  I missed the morning's competitions due to a prior scheduled engagement and arrived at the tournament in the afternoon in time for the opening ceremony and to watch Jonathan spar.  Walking into the gym in my plain clothes was a bummer.  The moment you see the white uniforms you feel out of place without yours on.  It is like you are this warrior taekwondo athlete on the inside and nobody knows it unless you are there dressed to play the game!  "Darn!" I thought to myself, "I should have signed up."  But I had another job to focus on today...
So today I was just being the mom.  And uniform or no uniform, sometimes you rather not be the mom.  Being the mom is hard sometimes.   Nobody tells you that when you are the mom of a taekwondo athlete you will have to watch your baby lose, get hurt, hurt someone else and learn the hard way.  They don't tell you that you will feel every disappointment, every worry, every heartache, and every bruise, like it was your own.  Maybe I would have encouraged him to play golf instead had I known.  Maybe not.  They also don't tell you that you will get to watch him win or place, see the big smile on his face in victory, break every damn board, and score the winning point.  They don't tell you how great it will feel to be the one he comes running to to show you the trophy and to ask "did you see that mom?!" And you wouldn't expect it, but even in disappointment, being able to hear your kid recognize that he gave it his best fight and has everything to be proud of, that is the best.  You were there to witness it all, and being the mom is good.
So today it was good to be the mom, in plain clothes, to give myself to it fully and enjoy the ride.  But next time I will probably be the mom and suit up and play the game too.  It is a little more fun that way.

Anything Less Than 100%

I decided the other day that I need to learn to slow down.  My almost 43 year old body is talking to me lately.  I need to listen more.  If I don't it talks louder.  The problem is that when I am in my taekwondo class some other personality takes over and I don't really think it is me in there doing the class.  The person doing the class can not perform at less than 100%.  If she does she feels cheated.  There are days when I have told myself, "listen you are more tired today, you haven't been sleeping well, you have that slight pull in your hamstring, just take it easy tonight".  I don't know who I am talking to when I give those speeches, but whoever shows up to class doesn't seem to listen.  The minute I hear the request to line up it is game on.   It really doesn't matter how tired I was, what part of me felt tight that night or how little sleep I had the night before, when the jumping jacks start I am a warrior athlete.  And I have to say I love her.  She loves to sweat and she loves to test herself.  She loves the feeling after an awesome workout, the energy, the boost, the feeling that she can do anything.  She lives for that.  And it makes her a better person, mother, wife and friend.  I suppose giving 100% might feel tiring at times but in taekwondo class it is easy and less is not an option.  There is also something about knowing your friends will be there with you and are hoping you show up, like you hope they do.  And knowing the way you will feel after you are done, spent but in a really good way.  These things make it easy even when I am tired.  I really have not figured out how to turn the warrior athlete off once she is turned on.  Once the game is on it plays out til the end.  The end has sometimes been more brutal than other times and has been the topic of many speeches I give myself that go something like, "you are getting too old for this" or "why can't you just take it easy?", or "what are you trying to prove?" but in the end, the end is just a pause, a rest, until the next time.  An opportunity to slow down and listen while I wait for the next game. 
Wishing you great kicks..........